Long Time Away!

So, I've been gone for quite some time.. I apologize for this. I have had a busy schedule.. *cough*... Okay, I won't lie to you, since you already know of me. Well, I've just been really lazy lately, gotten back into video games (CS:S). It's quite fun, well, and Maplestory. So addictive... Well.. I guess.. I don't remember what else to put here right now.. Lets talk about thanksgiving!

So, tons of foods, tons of drinks, and even more family! I love my family, they are great, but at the same time, it gets to be overwhelming if visited in great amounts. I don't really want to talk about my week/time away, it just is boring. Oh, btw. I've lost all interest in Tim.. Meh.. I never ended up telling him I liked him, he was just a bit cranky that day and I just didn't feel like it. Nor do I feel like giving him the feelings I once felt.. It's obvious they won't ever me mutual. Well... I don't really know what all to do.. I'll recap from my last post!

Halloween blood drive (Wow.. almost a month since i posted... or 2...).. It went well, except for the part that I fainted... twice. I felt like a drama queen and was extremely embarrassed.. I wasn't trying to miss class, it just happened. Ah well, either way, I don't want to care too much.. It was kinda fun to ride in those carrier things they put you on... Lol, I got to ride it twice! Even though I felt like crap. All the detail I feel like saying for now.

So, because I don't feel like recapping EVERYTHING that happened since my last post, I'll simply state yesterday and today.

"Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll is what I want... It's in my soul it's what I need.. Indie Rock and Roll it's time.." - Indie Rock and Roll/The Killers

Love that song.. Anyway. Yesterday was the KU vs MU game, absolutely amazing. I'm so happy the MU came out victorious, since that's the school I plan on going to :). It was also fun to rub it in my friends/family/cousins faces. But.. later that night.. My parents who had been drinking got into an argument with my sister who was drinking.. It was just all annoying and I could've cared less.. entirely... I got yelled at and lectured.. Just a bunch of drama I don't feel like remembering, since it would play like a movie in my head...

Today was nothing exciting.. Sat at home.. did chores.. thought about homework.. talked to friends.. ate food.. played games... thought about homework.. did some debate.. and that was about it. I really didn't feel like doing anything today, talk about R&R.

That's it for now, hope you enjoy the new layout as much as me :). Have a great day!

-My life in a nut shell.

Quick thing. Halloween.

Almost forgot. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

"Wherever it goes, I always know... You make me smile, please stay for a while, just take your time wherever you go." Bubbly - Colbie Caillat

-My life in a nut shell. :)

We've come so far, how will it end?

Well.. Everything has been working pretty well, my grades are getting better, my friendships are enduring, and I'm feel a bit positive. A little isolated, but you can't make everything perfect.... Song again.

"I'm waking up, at the start of the end of the world, but it's feeling like every morning before..."
How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20

I've heard this song on the radio so many times before.. I always forgot to go get it though! I'm glad I managed to do so. This song is so amazing.. So many emotions... So many feelings.. It's so real. One of those things hard to come across these days. ;).

So. Tuesday. I almost didn't blog today. Lack of want to... Also, I'm never home. Heh, my amazing excuses seem to be a bit redundant. Either way, I just need to get started blogging, 'cause once I start it's hard to stop! So, this morning was SO tiring. I mean.. Wow. I almost fell asleep! Well.. Asleep as in, while driving to school. Not safe, I know! But, I was tired! Got there.. I had to drop some stuff off in the Drama room, so I walked there, met Tim along the way, we walked together :). Not too much, I just wish he would like me.. But anyway, he had drama that 1st block too, so he came with me to drop my stuff off. It was kinda fun to talk to him about random stuff. He is really cool...

So.. I'm going to sum up today to get to my main point of todays blog. Geometry.. Time went by pretty fast, learned some formulas and stuff, did shape stuff, not much to say... English class, we presented our Hamlet Act thingies. It was.. Awkward funny.. But, not much other than me reading off a paper and falling to the ground with a skull in my hand. (FAKE of course!) So, Band!! WOO!! Concert Band is amazing. How it works after marching band is: we are divided into two bands, Symphonic (Good people), Concert (.... Others!). So, we played songs.. Really bad, then just chillaxed. Love that class.

Biology... I don't even know what we learned.. I fell asleep.. Hehe. I was wondering why time went by so fast during class when I looked at the clock, turns out i slept for about 40 minutes. I'm soooo good :).

MAIN POINT OF POST!!!

Alright people. This friday... Ally is having a movie party with a bunch of people.. Including Tim. I'm glad she is helping me get close to him, but that is beside the point! So. I will be.. telling him.. that I've had a crush on him.. ever since I met him 2 months ago.. Fast I know, but he makes my heart race when I feel like I've gone numb.. I feel emotions that have long been tucked away.. For example. I thought he was sad today, so I really wanted to make him happy, so I made him a picture! I dunno if he liked it.. But I hope so.. Anyway. I will be telling him that I like him... I'm so nervous.. You know.. That whole thing.. "I like you.. if you don't like me the same way I do to you, we can still be friends if you want.." Something like that.

Either way. HOLY SHIT. I'm scared. ALSO. TOMORROW is the Halloween blood drive! I'm giving blood! AHHH! I'm nervous, even if it is all for a good cause... Well, I need to get sleep to get my blood all.. happy? and stuff.. So... Yeah.. That's all!

So yeah.. That's all for now! Another blog from your gay teen :).

-My life in a nut shell.

Time's a tickin, yet we ain't moving.

What day is today?... That's right... It's the 29th.. Musical Production is on the 8th.. I think we are a little behind.. Dances are lacking.. Focus is long departed.. This kind of stress is never going to be alleviated.. I just wish this would all kinda fix itself. But, miracles like that don't happen to people like me. Except, I was able to fix one of our biggest dances :).

Quick Music update, since my music changes, and I want to post this one first.

"Everybody, Nobody is gona feel..." Short excerpt!
You're the One - Sugarcult

So, anyway, on one of our big numbers we have about 3 groups of people doing the same dance.. yet it was so hella off that it looked like some wild dance.. So me, being dance captain and all, grabbed one of the best dancers on the opposite side (other group) from me and had her dance in the front, like me. Lemme help you imagine this, imagine a stage, you are on it, facing off it, there are three groups, one on the left, right, center. I was on the right side, your right, and I was right on the edge of the stage, then turning around to face my group, so they could see me and dance with me, as to stay together.

The "temporary" dance captain girl was on the left side, your left, and she did the same as me, thus we managed to sync up all 3 sides from their terribleness! Hurray!

So practice was generally okay, seeing as we had the children's choir AND the band! Oh yeah.. One thing.. I MESSED UP MY FRIGGIN SOLO. Gawd. I was going to say it and I forgot the first 3 words, luckily i got the last though!... *cough*.. The better part is that I managed to dance every number correctly and be happy about it!

Oh man.. I give blood this Wednesday.. I really hope I find someone to hold my hand.. I'm a bit nervous. Ah.. Well... We'll have to see how it all goes down. It will be depressing if it turns out I'm anemic like my sister, thus losing my opportunity to give blood. Heh, a Halloween blood drive.. almost seems like a paradox or irony or something.. I dunno, I'm sleepy..

Ah, incase you are thinking I'm not going to be focused on posting these, you are wrong! I just forgot to say that I won't be posting during the weekends (no saturdays, sundays, maybe fridays). That's just because my weekends are way too busy and it's hard to fit in time to blog something really long and such like that. If you didn't notice, my writing is very different today, I feel a bit awkward and odd. Then again, a CHRISTIAN based play with lots of dancing, singing, and acting can do that to you. But, I'm still gay in the end and I want in Tim's pants! Heh!

So.. Civil Leadership today.. Saw John.. Why do I feel such emotions towards him? He just seems so real.. kind... and gentle.. He isn't too bad on the eyes either! I may make him sound all wonderful and all, but I guess if you first met him you'd think he was just some muscle big guy. But he isn't, he is so different.. I really feel like I could fall in love with someone like him.. The sex would be insane.

Damit >.<. Tim and Eric are talking a lot now-a-days and I've oh-so-envious. I just get really jealous when they are joking and laughing.. With me not.. I dunno.. It's just complicated.. Plus Tim talks about his "girlfriend", but he seems like he simply likes to have the title of having one.. Oh well. His loss. I shouldn't have to wait on someone who probably isn't worth the wait.
Well... I feel oh-so tired today.. Practice wore me out.. Plus I need to get extra long sleep and stuff like that for the blood, maybe I'll even pass out! Lmao. But, I refuse to miss musical practice... Ughh.... Missing that is just ASKING to be kicked out, instantly. Cut me and rape me upside down! Lol.

That's pretty much all for today, probably going to play some video games for a little, maybe 40 minutes. Then go to bed... Wake up.. School.. That whole deal. I would blog more, but not tonight :). Night all! (Does anyone even read this anyway?)

P.S. Before I forget my closure! Well, that's all for now. Another blog for your gay teen :).

-My life in a nut shell.

Delayed and Happy

So, I almost forgot to make a blog post! My bad, it won't happen again :). You know how it is, sometimes you just don't have the time, forget, or maybe just get a little lazy with it, but I'll try not to let those happen to me. So, today was actually generally good. Some really good things too! Tim made me really happy today! And my friend.. Eric (Name changeD)... He is a hoot! I had this cowboy hat and he kept wearing it and acting like a cowboy from Broke Back Mountain! It was so funny! Ahhh... But lets do a day run through :).

So, morning came, I went directly to my Geometry Room to study for the test, I feel pretty "decent" about it. I actually knew and understood most of the things i did.. Generally. I'm hoping I get a B at least.. If not I'll be kinda sad.. But, anyway, the test wasn't really hard, just really long and I get impatient and rush sometimes =/. But, I think I did well. I know I did well. OH WHEW. I checked the online grading system and I thought I failed the test for a second! But she hasn't put them in yet, hopefully soon.

Then comes next class, CLA. The class with Tim <3, and Eric. The class wasn't full of variety, seeing as we are studying Hamlet, and I swear! My teacher MUST assign us an essay every night and an essay due the 2nd day as well.. She overdoes all this work and is wearing us out.. I love language arts to death... But this is going too far... BTW, CLA is Challenge Language Arts, cause I'm smart (supposedly). But that is to be determined I guess. I have a B in the class.. Ugh. I always get an A in those classes. She must be a betch.

Then we had tutorial, basically a 45 minute period where we sit in another classroom and study, whatever you want to call it (enrichment?). I studied in there with a friend for my Biology test, which seemed easier than it appeared.. which it was kinda hard when I actually took it.. But that is getting ahead of myself. We didn't do much in there.. Guess I'll say what I'm listening to now since I don't have anything else to say about this time of my day..

"Tha-that-tha-that-that don't kill me.. can only make me stronger... I need you to hurry up now.. Cause I can't wait much longer.."
Stronger - Kanye West

I don't listen to him that often, but this song is just really good. A decent remix of Daft Punks "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger". That song is a classic :).

Next came 3rd block! Civil Leadership. Equivalent to Student Council, same thing with a different name. Fun, yet boring, relaxing, yet exhausting. I'm not sure how to explain it, we simply do things for the school the whole block, which my committee (our council separates into committees to get things done) was a little scattered, so I ended walking around aimlessly. This guy in my CL class, John (Name changed), is really nice.. He seems to act differently then most people due towards me.. We always joke around playfully and I say "I love you" jokingly and he says it right back.. More seriously and emotionally.. He is cute, but not equal to Tim's looks.. But he is also nicer and sweeter than Tim.. *sigh*.. I don't even know what to think.. But that basically wraps up CL.

Biology. The day of testing. Why today? I studied, but as I sat in the back with my friend it felt as if I had forgotten EVERYTHING i knew about cells... Whyyyyyyy! Sadly, yelling in my head didn't help me get the answers, I felt OKAY about the test.. Just not amazing.. OH shit. I just checked my online grades.. If I get a bad grade on my test.. I'LL GET A C!! Noooo! This sucks.. Except my testing average is like.. a 70%.. So as long as I get about a 70, I should raise my grade.. I hate weighted systems.. I hate biology... I hate school. =/ But, I was still happy and I feel happy now :).

RANDOM. So, tomorrow is my Civil Leadership field trip! I get to miss school! That is a fun and good thing, except now I miss two classes where we are doing projects in class.. Which I get to do at home now... Fun. This week seemed really long. Oh! I'm excited for Halloween! I will be donating blood to the Red Cross at the school thing! I'm nervuos too... But that's okay. Hmm.. Ahh.. Update on the musical stuff.. I spent about 30-40 minutes after practice helping people with dances, seeing as how I am a dance captain, as I'm good like that, lol. But that was fun, I enjoyed helping others. My jazz shoes should come in soon.. I also need to finish my costume.. Almost done.. Just not yet. I forgot a lot of the singing parts of the musical.. Which is bad!!! I'll get it fixed in the end. That's it for now :). I'll tell you all about my day tomorrow later! I may have to blog after midnight, seeing as how my day will go like this.

7:35 AM - 2:38 PM = School
2:50 PM - 5:10 PM = Musical Practice (I have to leave early for marching band)
5:15 PM - 10:30 PM = Marching Band, after that I usually grab a taco or something..

Probably get home around.. 11:30 or something like that. Well, that's all for now. Another blog for your gay teen :).

-My life in a nut shell.

Day of Boringness...

Nothing too much... Didn't stay up too late last night to finish homework, so got a decent sleep.. Went in early.. did my Geometry homework.. pretty exciting... Lol. The good thing about going in early is.. "You are able to ask questions about the homework and receive answers to them"-as quoted from my teacher. So, it is nice to do homework.. or not do it at all.. and then go in and simply ask for the answers and she gives them to you. Quite a nice little system. Oh.. I also lost my ID card for school.. Wait, never mind, I just found it on my desk.. Yay!

That last sentence was actually partially written before i found the card, that is a little creepy.

"A few times I've been around that track and your ass is still fight and I ain't your hollaback boy.."
Hollaback Boy by Adam and Andrew

Funny song! But back to my day as a gay teen.. OH! Vent time. I hate when weird/creepy people use the stereotype of being "gay" as their excuse. I'm sorry, but just because you're weird or something does NOT give you and excuse to toss the word and meaning of gay around, it has a purpose. Ughh... People also irritate me these days..

Okay, quick vent, Ally (Name changed) just irritated me today... I guess as well as Tim (The guy i like), but I'm losing interest in him.. Ally knows about me, so it's easier to talk about Tim with her and such. So, anyway, Ally first. Alright, so Ally was making weird gestures at me and I was making ones back, thus Tim's attention was taken and he looked at her. Once he saw her he yelled across the room "Ally's pregnant?!?"........ As a joke obviously.. But she didn't take it like that... I was like, "What pregnant?!?". Then she ran over and started flicking us... mostly me.. Even though I wasn't all at fault. I love her to death, but I hate to be flicked by other people and such. Just overall negative pain like that, just irritates me...

Then Tim was just be obnoxious and I'm just a little annoyed and tired of him.. I love him so much and he doesn't even know.. The pain burns inside my heart, yearning to tell him the truth about how I feel, but not able to, afraid of losing a friend. He always dates random girls, even if he looks extremely bored and such.. I really wish he would take a chance with me.. Like we always do "fake" flirting stuff and tickle each other, but I really like it.. He seems to smile the whole time and enjoy it too.. maybe one day he'll see how I feel in his eyes...

Ally agreed with that, how he looks extremely bored with girls. She says that he seems to be a little odd when compared to the average straight guy.. Maybe he is BI? Oh well, whatever he does... I was going to say "I'm willing to wait for him"... But I really don't want to give everything up to one person.. especially in highschool.. it isn't worth it.. "Highschool is a place never to search for love, as so much happens after and during it love always seems to crumble." One of my friends said that, and I believe every bit of it.

What next.. Lunch.. Oh wow, had to borrow money, seeing as I forgot to get money.. Ugh... So not fun, not like I don't have money, just forgot it all. Band.. We went outside and went of stuff like that, then came in to practice testing stuff... Boring and a pain..

Next.. Bio Class.. boring.. almost fell asleep, but I ended up doing a packet of homework and getting an A on it, as well as spending my last minutes left to read parts of the book.. Boring once again..

Musical practice after school.. We spent the WHOLE time on one scene, almost seemed like we didn't get much completed. Ah, vent time! So, before practice we had a group circle; this circle was meant for constructive criticism. I was really glad to hear how people pointed out we were talking too much, thus giving us too big of distractions, delaying the production. But.. then they all became stupid hypocrites.. As soon as the circle dispersed and we began practice, *talk talk talk*. Are you serious? Are you stupid as hell? Did we not just talk about this? So basically, I was pissed. I liked how they found an error, but if you say you're going to fix a problem, FIX IT! Don't lie. That is annoying and stupid as hell.

Band test after that.. COMPLETELY screwed it up.. Then drumline was supposed to get pizza after words.. Oh by the way, I'm on drumline... And there was none left. What the fuck. That mad me mad because i PLANNED to get some before I went in, but some band mom said to wait until after we went.. Leaving none behind.. Thanks for the advice betch.

Then I went with my mom to stores and bought retro clothes =3. That was amazing. Got a ton of stuff for the musical and some for myself, a new shirt thingy i liked; it's cozy! Other than that.. That was my day.. One more thing.. I saw this really hot guy at the mall.. Why can't I find myself a nice hot gay guy?

-My life in a nut shell.

Resorting to Anonymous

So, I've managed to make my way to Blogger, the one way I can express myself publicly, yet anonymously . If you ever do read this, I might as well say, this is what is in my head, my true thoughts of other people and my judgments.

It's 8 days 'till Halloween, and I could really care less. Our musical practice is on the night of terror, can you believe it? 6:30 to 9:30 What bull. This happened last year also! I don't understand why they don't just make it right after school, so I can be home by 6:30 or 7:00, just-in-time for giving out trick or treats and to watch a scary movie! But with our director, I'll name her Icky, 'cause it's what she is, there is no way we will have a shot at getting out early. Tough luck, eh? I really really hate her.. She just yells at people she feels like, not caring much about others feelings, if you don't meet her expectations-VWOOP- you are out of the production. What a great way to be...

Plus, there are people at practice who just drive me INSANE. I'll give them nicknames, just so we keep this going, first guy I'll talk about is, Rick. (Name changed) I used to have a crush on him, but obviously now, I don't and don't plan to ever. Oh, and if a gay guy bugs you, then you should stop reading this, right away. As this is honesty, at its best. So yeah, he is just so full of himself, as well as a COMPLETE FAKER. He is an ass hole and I can't stand him.. At all... I just am so of being around these people that I can't stand... I really want to quit the musical.. But I won't, since I made a decision to be in it and I refuse to quit 2-3 weeks in.

The freshmen are annoying as hell, so slutty and immature. I hate the fact I'm in the closet, I want more than anything to come out, fuck my parents and their reputation at risk, I AM GAY, get the fuck over yourselves. My mom already jokes about it, due to suspicion, ah I await the day I tell them the truth. "Hey mom, hey dad, just thought you should know that I've been gay since I was 12, probably younger, but I know I was and am." Thus, I've already accepted myself for who I am and I'm ready to get on with life, not letting that stand in my way.

Back to the main case at hand though, freshmen suck. I'm also tired of the Juniors always giving us, Sophomores, shit about how we are just as annoying as the freshmen, which is so not true, it's just their whole class is full of ass holes and d-bags. Which is fine, I just refuse to be friends with any of them. The musical is so far behind, I doubt it will be as good as we'd like it to be, we have great singers and actors, just a lot of freshmen/people who can't shut up or sit quietly. Oh, and btw, I'm not the typical gay guy who acts all feminine and girl-like, that is such a stupid stereotype and couldn't be more wrong.

I'm doing mediocre in school, which is terrible compared to my usual. I get A's, B's and C's. C's. What the fuck. I never get those, my parents aren't helping much with this either. Keep in my that my C is in Geometry. I hate math. Also, if I don't get my grades up, my dad threatens to have my pulled out of the Advanced World History class. FUCK YOU. This is MY class line up, not something you chose for me. Leave me alone. They are just getting in my life too much as well, which is why I'm not able to have a diary or journal, seeing as my mom will just look around my room for it and read it all. This way I'm safe. I hope.

My dad is threatening to take me out of dance classes, if he does that, I swear I will be so angry at them, mostly because they think they know how to handle me. Taking things away does not fix all the problems. They already grounded me for a week, so I can't do anything, I had to ditch my friend that I told I would go with to a Concert. Wow. I have homework I should be going over... But I just don't feel motivated to...

"Build a wall of books in the bed.. Repeat Repeat that I know we both said..." - Tegan and Sara

My favorite band/song.... Well.. I like this guy at my school, we'll name him Tim. He is so hot, cute, sexy, and nice. But I'm fairly certain he might be straight, even if he acts gay around me, which I do with a lot of my friends, but sometimes a little too much with him. Like.. Sometimes when we pretend that we're going to attack the other we get really close, I swear my lips have been less then 4 inches from his before... I was tempted to kiss him.. But I'm not sure I want to risk a friendship over my curiosity.. Ah well.. If fate loves me, he may read this and confront me about it, maybe he'd like me... Oh, he is also a new student to our school, so that makes him vulnerable and may just be conforming to fit in with my friends, but he also likes this girl and they are probably going to be dating.. Ah life is so full of confusion...

Well, if you read this, you have my props.. I'm happy someone finds my life worth something, thanks again :).

-My life in a nut shell.